Life gives us many opportunities for “do-overs.” For instance, I think parenthood is an opportunity to redo our childhoods. While some of us repeat mistakes made by our parents, some of us seize the opportunity to do things differently. That’s the concept on a big scale but there are opportunities for do-overs on a smaller scale nearly every day.
I’ve been going through some sort of a spiritual journey that started taking shape in a significant way when I began this blog. From the very beginning, I was determined to rid myself of limitations of identity and self-censorship in my writing. And layer by layer, writing here has helped me to do exactly that. Now it’s to the point where I’m so raw that someone recently asked me to remove a comment they made to a post that could be considered controversial. I can’t get mad at that and actually I’m glad. For a while there, I saw myself becoming quite middle of the road with my blog offerings and therefore I made a conscious decision to break out of that pattern. So the reader’s request to remove the comment let me know I’m doing something right.
Last year, I wrote about living life without limits, and it just so happens that soon after, there was a major shift in my life that allowed me to take a huge step in that direction. I was able to reset my life in a way that feels more authentic to who I am than ever before. In May of this year, I had another major breakthrough that further helped me see my entire life from past to present to future in a whole new perspective, as well as challenged my idea of limits.
As you can imagine or may have experienced in your own lives, none of this comes without a lot of soul searching. To live a limitlessly, you have to eliminate a whole host of insecurities–limits we put on ourselves. In the recent past, I’ve had to prove to myself all over again that I can navigate the world living alone, but what was once a doubt has been my reality for years now. Not only that, there’s much to be said about not having to answer to anyone on a day-to-day basis, where the decisions I make about my life affect me alone. I would trade other aspects of my happiness to maintain this kind of freedom. Growth is a painful process but well worth the serenity at the other side of the tunnel. Yet there are always roadblocks that make you question yourself. I think that’s healthy.
Life has a way of creating parallels—ways of giving us a chance to do things over again. That’s just my take on things and as ever, I’m not here to preach or judge. We all have to come to our own conclusions about what this world means. I’m going through such a moment now; it feels like I’ve been at this crossroad before.
But the bottom line is this: Words are the mirrors of the mind and soul, so to corrupt the use of words would be to betray myself. So rule number one is that I’m going to continue to push past my fears, which means writing and posting what I want. I’ve come way too far in my creative life to do otherwise. So I expect to offend lots of people on myriad levels if I haven’t already. And if I offend, just look the other way. I’m not out to hurt anybody.
And paradoxically, I guess I would have to impose at least one limit on myself, and that would be for me not to lie or do anything that I would have to lie about. Lies are the ultimate limitations. That covers a lot of ground but it is sort of a humanistic way of looking at morality, I guess, and codes of human behavior. Does that hold water? I’m still a work in progress but that’s where I am today and that is all I can be responsible for at any given time . Any thoughts are welcome.
© Sweepy Jean and Sweepy Jean Explores the (Webby) World, 2013
